is your mom at the bar?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
