yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
