You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
