You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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