I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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