I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
