Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
