Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
