why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
