My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
