it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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