omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
