No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
