That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
