I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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