Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
