3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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