i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
