I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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