Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
