the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
