it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i came on her dog
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
