This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
