I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
