First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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