Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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