I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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