If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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