kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
