im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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