You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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