For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
