eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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