If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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