Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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