I got chris browned last night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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