I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
