Do you still have your period?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
