they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
zippers are such a cool invention
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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