she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
