Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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