is your mom at the bar?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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