I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
