filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
