So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
