Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
