there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
