just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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