i think my tv is drunk
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
