It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
