and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
