I could have mohawked her pubes.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
